this is just a thought...

i. hate. men.

okay. men in general aren't bad. they lift heavy objects and sometimes hold open doors for people.
but right now, i'd like to castrate you all.

i've never been lucky in love. well, no; scratch that. i've always gotten what i wanted even though what i wanted turns out to be nothing like i'd imagined and it never, ever lasts.
so i was jaded going in. call me bitter if you will but you have to understand that all i really wanted was more. i wanted more than to be that girl that you were friends with and foolishly you both took it to another level and you, not her, backed down and tried to find the friend zone again.

this is my latest folly.
i thought there was a chance at more. i was holding out for more concrete signs but from what i could gather from the situations we found ourselves in things could work out for the better. we were compatible-- something that i rarely found with the boys i dabbled with prior.
my, how things change.
one sordid night. one measily intimate gesture and things get awkward and uncomfortable.
this isn't the first time this has happened to me and normally i can just continue on because i realized mid-thrust or grunt or sloppy kiss that this wasn't where i wanted to be and i was just fine going back to being just friends.

but this time was different. i didn't get it at first but i think part of me had built it up in my mind so that when the inevitable dissappointment happened a little part of me just got angry. like, blinding rage angry. this is the straw that broke the camels back. if i thought i was guarded and jaded before... whew boy if i knew what i was capable of then!
no more feeling sorry for myself anymore. no more getting stupid over people who won't get stupid over me. this is the end of the line and i'll be damned if i let this happen again. i want emotion, i want promises that no one breaks. i want something, damnit, to show for hard work and a job well done. i want them to fucking earn it instead of me caving.

this. ends. today!

i do have to give him props for making me this spiteful, bitter person that i am today. one day when he looks back on our 'friendship' and tells me again, that we both valued the friendship more than risking it all on an iffy relationship i'll have a few choice words for him.
namely: go fuck yourself.

b; old enough to know better; attached.
college student of historical events, future educator. canadienne. i like to read, but i don't do it enough. i run. i like zombies. i'm obsessed with all things batman, except not batfleck. i'm a terrible video game player, but i'm getting better through attrition. i can play piano pretty good, though. the sound of city streets soothes me, but i love the silence of the forest. curious stargazer.

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this is just a thought...

i. hate. men.

okay. men in general aren't bad. they lift heavy objects and sometimes hold open doors for people.
but right now, i'd like to castrate you all.

i've never been lucky in love. well, no; scratch that. i've always gotten what i wanted even though what i wanted turns out to be nothing like i'd imagined and it never, ever lasts.
so i was jaded going in. call me bitter if you will but you have to understand that all i really wanted was more. i wanted more than to be that girl that you were friends with and foolishly you both took it to another level and you, not her, backed down and tried to find the friend zone again.

this is my latest folly.
i thought there was a chance at more. i was holding out for more concrete signs but from what i could gather from the situations we found ourselves in things could work out for the better. we were compatible-- something that i rarely found with the boys i dabbled with prior.
my, how things change.
one sordid night. one measily intimate gesture and things get awkward and uncomfortable.
this isn't the first time this has happened to me and normally i can just continue on because i realized mid-thrust or grunt or sloppy kiss that this wasn't where i wanted to be and i was just fine going back to being just friends.

but this time was different. i didn't get it at first but i think part of me had built it up in my mind so that when the inevitable dissappointment happened a little part of me just got angry. like, blinding rage angry. this is the straw that broke the camels back. if i thought i was guarded and jaded before... whew boy if i knew what i was capable of then!
no more feeling sorry for myself anymore. no more getting stupid over people who won't get stupid over me. this is the end of the line and i'll be damned if i let this happen again. i want emotion, i want promises that no one breaks. i want something, damnit, to show for hard work and a job well done. i want them to fucking earn it instead of me caving.

this. ends. today!

i do have to give him props for making me this spiteful, bitter person that i am today. one day when he looks back on our 'friendship' and tells me again, that we both valued the friendship more than risking it all on an iffy relationship i'll have a few choice words for him.
namely: go fuck yourself.