Monday, January 18, 2010
3:35 PM ● the world has gone bat shit crazy.

Ok i have a beef to pick with the world right now and it's mostly because I feel this insatiable urge to do it too.
Why in the fuck is everyone settling down?!?!?

Ok. I was morally opposed to marriage up until about... Officially about 10 minutes ago. I never felt the need to have a 'plus one' because if there was something I couldn't do alone, what would be the point of doing it? then I don't know what happened to me-- one day I was cynical and mistrusting and the next day I'm seriously toying with the very idea of finding someone to be the other piece to my puzzle, as it were. I was just warming up to the idea that maybe in this world of however many billion people there'd be someone who just fucking got me until today when I ran into one of the girls I played rugby with and she said she was geting married. another girl I played with is preggers. Another married off in the fall. A bunch of my high school friends are engaged and have been for years. My best fucking friend and her long time beau had 'the talk' and he was serious when he gave a time limit and she fucking accepted.
Like, what the fuck?!
I'm having issues. I haven't seen the world. I haven't been in a serious relationship. I don't even live on my own for fuck sakes and now some instinctual part of my physiological make up is telling me to shit or get off the pot?! What in the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost is going on?! Like I said, the world, more specifically my world, has gone bat shit insane. Right fucking loopy.
I can't go to a crowded place without making eye contact and hoping my body reacts just like it should.
I have to go to a bridal show next weekend and I'm terrified these new seeds of troublesome thoughts will flower into a full blown quarter-life crisis that makes me want to find a husband. For god sakes I've only ever been on 2 actual dates! There is something so incredibly wrong with this picture and heaven help me if I can figure it out.
I just don't know what's gotten in to people lately. Do they smell that spring is near and copulation season is nigh? Or is it something in the water? Maybe I need a change of scenery to put this catastrophe as I'm calling it behind me as well as thoughts of millions of twinkle lights strewn on a gazebo a la twilight prom scene for my reception... I mean I hate the institution of marriage.
Yes, that is totally what I meant by the fact I have thought more in the last 3 days of what I'd want my wedding to look like than I have on my homework. And I'm single. And this is probably the first time i've ever done it in my entire life.
Agh... This is getting ridiculous! My logical brain must have ceased working with all this gooey nonsense talk of marriage and soulmates and buns in the oven (sweet merciful god I don't think I have EVER spoken those words let alone typed them... Fuck me this god forsaken mush makes me do strange things). Gah.
Something needs to be said...
I'm not going to stick my nose where it don't belong like some meddling, bitter, perpetually single spinster I know somewhere deep inside I'll always be but I'm goig to stick my nose where it ought not to be, because dammit, where is my happy ever after? (until the honeymoon is over and then he bitter spinster can come back and tell all you sappy fucks 'I told you so').
agh.
i'm conflicting. and i hate typing on an ipod.

xxxxxx

(live)