the long weekend is upon me. thank goodness i don't have to do anything tomorrow except pretend to be cheery at work, which believe me, is sometimes a stretch beyond my imagination.

i don't know what's up with me today. i just feel a bit preoccupied with something-- whatever it is, it's a bit sad.
is it because last year at this time i was at the ex's house with his family, listening to them chatter on about things i'll never hear my family say to each other? or is it just because i was with someone last year?
it could also be that i ate turkey, and i always feel a bit sad when i do this. i think it has something to do with whatever's in turkey that makes you sleepy. instead of making me sleepy it makes me sad.
maybe the weather?
maybe i just woke up sad.
all these questions lead me to no answers. it's all just nothing, really, i'm sure. something silly, a peripheral mood i've picked up from someone else.
and i'm positive that re-reading twilight and (gasp) new moon isn't helping my rather dower mood. i've tried to be cheery today, but nothing seems to have worked. i got a chance to zone out on the train today, sorting through the various thoughts that i had throughout the day. that usually cheers me up in no time, having this very isolated me time when i'm conscious. i got to listen to my favorite songs that i put on my playlist even, but to no avail. stooping low enough in an act of desperation, even dropping my gob at lovely pictures of gorgeous men (just one puts me in mild hysterics, can you guess who?) doesn't seem to pick me up, something that i once thought could cure world strife just by the simple dimple in his cheek when he really smiles.
i mean, i don't look. what are you talking about?
(inject hysterical maniacal laughter right here)

at the moment, i'm going to chalk it all up to the refresher i'm giving myself in the twilight saga. there's something incredibly sad about new moon because I DON'T KNOW, HE LEAVES HER?!?!?!?!?! in the most heartbreaking way, naturally.
i had just flipped to that ill-fated page when i decided to post this. go figure! such a remorseful page, that page 70. i have half a mind to scribble it all out with pen. but it doesn't erase the fact he said it, and will continue to say it in my mind forevermore. it's unpleasant, the thought of someone saying that to me under any circumstance. yet i find myself feeling like saying it all the time.
i think i've found the root of my problem. lately i've been feeling like i need to say goodbye a lot more than i need to say hello. something's changed, and i can't put my finger on exactly what but there's something different. i need more time to feel it out to see exactly what has changed and why i feel this overwhelming desire to have never existed on some level. remove myself from the memories of people, whether willing or not.

i've got a lot of unfinished business-- apologies, actions to make. it's a bit overwhelming, but i'll feel better in the end, ultimately. at least i hope i do.

there. i feel better. just kinda sleepy now.
stupid turkey...

b; old enough to know better; attached.
college student of historical events, future educator. canadienne. i like to read, but i don't do it enough. i run. i like zombies. i'm obsessed with all things batman, except not batfleck. i'm a terrible video game player, but i'm getting better through attrition. i can play piano pretty good, though. the sound of city streets soothes me, but i love the silence of the forest. curious stargazer.

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the long weekend is upon me. thank goodness i don't have to do anything tomorrow except pretend to be cheery at work, which believe me, is sometimes a stretch beyond my imagination.

i don't know what's up with me today. i just feel a bit preoccupied with something-- whatever it is, it's a bit sad.
is it because last year at this time i was at the ex's house with his family, listening to them chatter on about things i'll never hear my family say to each other? or is it just because i was with someone last year?
it could also be that i ate turkey, and i always feel a bit sad when i do this. i think it has something to do with whatever's in turkey that makes you sleepy. instead of making me sleepy it makes me sad.
maybe the weather?
maybe i just woke up sad.
all these questions lead me to no answers. it's all just nothing, really, i'm sure. something silly, a peripheral mood i've picked up from someone else.
and i'm positive that re-reading twilight and (gasp) new moon isn't helping my rather dower mood. i've tried to be cheery today, but nothing seems to have worked. i got a chance to zone out on the train today, sorting through the various thoughts that i had throughout the day. that usually cheers me up in no time, having this very isolated me time when i'm conscious. i got to listen to my favorite songs that i put on my playlist even, but to no avail. stooping low enough in an act of desperation, even dropping my gob at lovely pictures of gorgeous men (just one puts me in mild hysterics, can you guess who?) doesn't seem to pick me up, something that i once thought could cure world strife just by the simple dimple in his cheek when he really smiles.
i mean, i don't look. what are you talking about?
(inject hysterical maniacal laughter right here)

at the moment, i'm going to chalk it all up to the refresher i'm giving myself in the twilight saga. there's something incredibly sad about new moon because I DON'T KNOW, HE LEAVES HER?!?!?!?!?! in the most heartbreaking way, naturally.
i had just flipped to that ill-fated page when i decided to post this. go figure! such a remorseful page, that page 70. i have half a mind to scribble it all out with pen. but it doesn't erase the fact he said it, and will continue to say it in my mind forevermore. it's unpleasant, the thought of someone saying that to me under any circumstance. yet i find myself feeling like saying it all the time.
i think i've found the root of my problem. lately i've been feeling like i need to say goodbye a lot more than i need to say hello. something's changed, and i can't put my finger on exactly what but there's something different. i need more time to feel it out to see exactly what has changed and why i feel this overwhelming desire to have never existed on some level. remove myself from the memories of people, whether willing or not.

i've got a lot of unfinished business-- apologies, actions to make. it's a bit overwhelming, but i'll feel better in the end, ultimately. at least i hope i do.

there. i feel better. just kinda sleepy now.
stupid turkey...