so, i've got a dilema.

it's not so much of a problem outright as it's a problem in my noggin. so you know it's the worst kind. anyways, soldiering on.

haha, that's funny.


so, some background into my world might be a step in the direction we need to go. then it makes sense.

monday through thursday i work outdoors. it's not a pretty job-- i wear coveralls that make me look like bob the builder, i pick up needles and discard branches. i work for my municipality in the parks division, natural areas. so the stuff that isn't pretty-- the stuff that's overgrown looking and natural. hence natural areas. HA HA. this job is nine and a half hours a day, in the sun getting dirty. so naturally, there isn't a lot of girls working there. and if there are girls, they work in maintenance, weed-whacking and watering parks.

needless to say, they're prissy.

so i work with a concentrated bunch of guys. in maintenance you see the same parks over and over again but we get to drive around the city, all over the city. it's intense. lots of windshield time sometimes.

but in this, i spend a lot of time driving my boys around. and with every road trip, someones gotta talk otherwise the silence gets to you. so for a good hunk of the day i'm talking with my boys. i say that so affectionately and i mean it. they're pretty much my heart and soul. that sounds pathetic but they know what i mean.

the running joke is that everyone is all up in arms in the office about abuse since working with boys means stupidity and i work through their bullshit. it's near constant babble. and sometimes it gets ugly... they try to one up each other with the sexual references. but i power through it.

except for one.

sometimes, when i least expect it i get hit with the tummy butterflies. normally i wouldn't think twice about it. things just happen like that. but this one... i have to give my head a shake when the butterflies occur. there's an unhappy reminder glaring at me from out of the corner of my eye when i get it in my head i have to see him when he's talking. being as i'm the driver... and the hand that would be closest to the corner of my eye would be the left hand, which is traditionally the home of WEDDING RINGS.

god if i couldn't see that wedding ring flashing like a strobe light, things would be different. but i can and it's like an invisible force field. which is a GOOD THING. i have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a bad thing that he's married. it's good. wifey is SOOOOO CUTE (i met her last night) and incredibly pregnant.
yet, at the same time, even when he talks still now that i've met the wife and that god damned wedding ring... i get the butterflies. that gravelly voice. it's a tie between whose voice turns me on more, trent reznor or... my work friend. dead tie. although it's naughtier to think of the work friend, you know, being married and all.

it'd also be ok if things weren't mutual. but they are. i think? he's hot and cold. but i'm all cold. or i try to be. in secret its hot, but not to his face.

myyyyyyyyyyyyy god those SHOULDERS! i just wanna take a bite. nom nom nom. he flexes when i touch him, it's cute.

but the summer's almost over, but we still hang out. but we'll see what goes down; he seems hell-bent on proving my wager incorrect. muah. i don't know where i was originally going with this post but i had a feeling it wasn't where i ended up. but fuck it. my a.d.d is kicking in again. karl wolf makes me want to kill people.

b; old enough to know better; attached.
college student of historical events, future educator. canadienne. i like to read, but i don't do it enough. i run. i like zombies. i'm obsessed with all things batman, except not batfleck. i'm a terrible video game player, but i'm getting better through attrition. i can play piano pretty good, though. the sound of city streets soothes me, but i love the silence of the forest. curious stargazer.

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so, i've got a dilema.

it's not so much of a problem outright as it's a problem in my noggin. so you know it's the worst kind. anyways, soldiering on.

haha, that's funny.


so, some background into my world might be a step in the direction we need to go. then it makes sense.

monday through thursday i work outdoors. it's not a pretty job-- i wear coveralls that make me look like bob the builder, i pick up needles and discard branches. i work for my municipality in the parks division, natural areas. so the stuff that isn't pretty-- the stuff that's overgrown looking and natural. hence natural areas. HA HA. this job is nine and a half hours a day, in the sun getting dirty. so naturally, there isn't a lot of girls working there. and if there are girls, they work in maintenance, weed-whacking and watering parks.

needless to say, they're prissy.

so i work with a concentrated bunch of guys. in maintenance you see the same parks over and over again but we get to drive around the city, all over the city. it's intense. lots of windshield time sometimes.

but in this, i spend a lot of time driving my boys around. and with every road trip, someones gotta talk otherwise the silence gets to you. so for a good hunk of the day i'm talking with my boys. i say that so affectionately and i mean it. they're pretty much my heart and soul. that sounds pathetic but they know what i mean.

the running joke is that everyone is all up in arms in the office about abuse since working with boys means stupidity and i work through their bullshit. it's near constant babble. and sometimes it gets ugly... they try to one up each other with the sexual references. but i power through it.

except for one.

sometimes, when i least expect it i get hit with the tummy butterflies. normally i wouldn't think twice about it. things just happen like that. but this one... i have to give my head a shake when the butterflies occur. there's an unhappy reminder glaring at me from out of the corner of my eye when i get it in my head i have to see him when he's talking. being as i'm the driver... and the hand that would be closest to the corner of my eye would be the left hand, which is traditionally the home of WEDDING RINGS.

god if i couldn't see that wedding ring flashing like a strobe light, things would be different. but i can and it's like an invisible force field. which is a GOOD THING. i have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a bad thing that he's married. it's good. wifey is SOOOOO CUTE (i met her last night) and incredibly pregnant.
yet, at the same time, even when he talks still now that i've met the wife and that god damned wedding ring... i get the butterflies. that gravelly voice. it's a tie between whose voice turns me on more, trent reznor or... my work friend. dead tie. although it's naughtier to think of the work friend, you know, being married and all.

it'd also be ok if things weren't mutual. but they are. i think? he's hot and cold. but i'm all cold. or i try to be. in secret its hot, but not to his face.

myyyyyyyyyyyyy god those SHOULDERS! i just wanna take a bite. nom nom nom. he flexes when i touch him, it's cute.

but the summer's almost over, but we still hang out. but we'll see what goes down; he seems hell-bent on proving my wager incorrect. muah. i don't know where i was originally going with this post but i had a feeling it wasn't where i ended up. but fuck it. my a.d.d is kicking in again. karl wolf makes me want to kill people.