so i had to take some time off. so i had to think things through.
so i had to cough up my esophageal track (or what felt like it). so i had to start working.

so what.

i'm back, and bitter as ever. things have returned from where they came, people are returning from holidays, work is resuming as usual. life is as it should be for the most part. bills are being paid, breaths are being taken, sleep is claiming my tired lids.
it seems so insignificant sometimes. there's a whole bunch of stuff that needs to be done and i'm here trying to eek out some weird existence doing the same shit i did yesterday, and will definitely do tomorrow.
i need a shake up of the violent variety. this is what summer is all about for me, the proverbial work over of my humanity and myself. i need to do something i feel good about, or something. i want to see the world. i want to take pictures of things people just walk past. i want to write down things that pop into my mind.
yet by the time i have a moment to bring out my camera, the moment's gone. by the time i sit down with a piece of paper, the thought and the feelings behind it are dead.

there's something going on and i can't place it. there's a shake up building up, readying itself for it's debut somewhere in the shadows. i'm on my tip toes in anticipation. it's either going to be a tidal wave of hell or a rolling field of happiness. one way or another there's something going down and it's making me anxious.

but enough about the not here's and nows. no one wants to really hear what i'm thinking i'm sure. to be quite honest, i don't really think anymore. i pondered this while i was at work. before i used to go off in seven thousand different directions, all at once, each one screaming for prime space in my limited frontal lobe. now it's more of a quiet simmer. the thoughts that used to ping around my head are silent. it's like someone's tampered with my memories... i can't access some of them anymore.
i know why i can't for some of them, but i think in the process of barring myself from thinking things that i banned myself from thinking i managed to erase a lot of stuff i wanted to keep. sad, but truly mind boggling.

i tried really hard for about an hour the other day to remember something that happened not all that long ago. it was as if the event never took place. there are more questions than answers in my inner monologue and i'm less than satisfied with my answers. i thought that it would make it right; me not thinking about it anymore. but it's like there's a void in my head.
scared to remember, terrified to forget?
i think that's how it goes. she had it right...

besides the point. things are changing. i can feel it just like i can smell the rain before it comes. it's coming... i just don't know when.

b; old enough to know better; attached.
college student of historical events, future educator. canadienne. i like to read, but i don't do it enough. i run. i like zombies. i'm obsessed with all things batman, except not batfleck. i'm a terrible video game player, but i'm getting better through attrition. i can play piano pretty good, though. the sound of city streets soothes me, but i love the silence of the forest. curious stargazer.

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so i had to take some time off. so i had to think things through.
so i had to cough up my esophageal track (or what felt like it). so i had to start working.

so what.

i'm back, and bitter as ever. things have returned from where they came, people are returning from holidays, work is resuming as usual. life is as it should be for the most part. bills are being paid, breaths are being taken, sleep is claiming my tired lids.
it seems so insignificant sometimes. there's a whole bunch of stuff that needs to be done and i'm here trying to eek out some weird existence doing the same shit i did yesterday, and will definitely do tomorrow.
i need a shake up of the violent variety. this is what summer is all about for me, the proverbial work over of my humanity and myself. i need to do something i feel good about, or something. i want to see the world. i want to take pictures of things people just walk past. i want to write down things that pop into my mind.
yet by the time i have a moment to bring out my camera, the moment's gone. by the time i sit down with a piece of paper, the thought and the feelings behind it are dead.

there's something going on and i can't place it. there's a shake up building up, readying itself for it's debut somewhere in the shadows. i'm on my tip toes in anticipation. it's either going to be a tidal wave of hell or a rolling field of happiness. one way or another there's something going down and it's making me anxious.

but enough about the not here's and nows. no one wants to really hear what i'm thinking i'm sure. to be quite honest, i don't really think anymore. i pondered this while i was at work. before i used to go off in seven thousand different directions, all at once, each one screaming for prime space in my limited frontal lobe. now it's more of a quiet simmer. the thoughts that used to ping around my head are silent. it's like someone's tampered with my memories... i can't access some of them anymore.
i know why i can't for some of them, but i think in the process of barring myself from thinking things that i banned myself from thinking i managed to erase a lot of stuff i wanted to keep. sad, but truly mind boggling.

i tried really hard for about an hour the other day to remember something that happened not all that long ago. it was as if the event never took place. there are more questions than answers in my inner monologue and i'm less than satisfied with my answers. i thought that it would make it right; me not thinking about it anymore. but it's like there's a void in my head.
scared to remember, terrified to forget?
i think that's how it goes. she had it right...

besides the point. things are changing. i can feel it just like i can smell the rain before it comes. it's coming... i just don't know when.